Gender parity is desirable for individuals and countries, but ultimately likravving your life as a woman involves not just competing with the males but also cherishing those qualities which make both women and men gloriously different and therefore unique.

Tomorrow, the World Economic Forum’s India Economic Summit will begin in New Delhi. Between discukravssions on agriculture and infrastructure is the plenary session titled simply: Investing in Girls, Investingin Development—The Girl Effect.

Gender is the focus of several recent surveys, including the Shriver Report, WEF’s Global Gender Gap Report 2009 and a survey by the Dubai Foundation for Women and Children, which plans to measure the extent of domestic violence and child abuse in the emirate. WEF’s gender report measured the gap between men and women using the usual four factors: economic opportunities, education, health and political participation. Nordic countries came out tops and India fell in the bottom quartile.

The problem with gender reports is that while they can help governments decide policy, and nudge countries to perform better, they offer little to women in terms of how to live or improve their lives. They don’t answer the question: Say you are faced with a thousand little girls, what message would you give them?

I know: It depends on the sample. Well, let’s narrow it down by country and region. Let’s limit it to India. I wouldn’t presume to lecture rural girls given that I know little about their lifestyle. So let’s narrow it to urban Indian teenage girls which in itself is a large enough sample. What would you tell them?

There are macro messages. Learn to love without losing yourself is a key one, given a woman’s congenital desire for harmony; difficulty with saying “No”; and her penchant for spreading herself too thin in the emotion department. There are micro messages about learning self-defence, and managing hormonal cycles. But the bulk of it has to do with nuances, and gender parity reports, as George Bush famously said of himself, “Don’t do nuance”.

Recognizing nuance requires battle worn maturity; to see both the glorious achievements and also the thin limitations of feminism. It involves realizing that being a feminist means different things in Boston and Bengaluru. Bostonians would be aghast if you didn’t call yourself a feminist (and this applies to the men too). In India, let alone Bengaluru, feminism is still an ugly word, particularly in our parents’ generation. Many older Indian women are loath to call themselves feminists because they equate it with aggressive bra-burning types. Entire swathes of women in India—and not just in villages—have no clue what feminism means, nor do they care. Talking about gender parity to a housewife in Saurashtra or my aunt in Salem is meaningless.

[stextbox id="warning" big="true"]They are too bound by tradition and religion to question the status quo, ranging from why only the wives observe the karva chauth fast, to why not hire women drivers trained in krav maga to drop women employees, especially those working late. They are conditioned not to rock the boat.[/stextbox]

So while the message is important, choosing a target audience is equally so and urban Indian girls on the cusp of womanhood are my chosen targets. These are the girls who will implement and live out the findings of today’s gender parity reports. So what would you tell them? What will you tell today’s high school girl students at Chennai’s Vidya Mandir, Delhi’s Loreto Convent, Mumbai’s Cathedral School, or Kolkata’s La Martiniere?

Here’s my message: Gender equality is a myth. Doesn’t exist. Get over it. We are inferior to men in many ways and superior in others. So don’t bother equating yourselves with them. Competing in the world using the male paradigm is setting yourselves up for failure. Instead, choose a different paradigm.

The question then becomes: What’s the paradigm?

Women are surfers. We catch the wave, cope and adjust. We endure. Men are archers. They aim, execute and move on. Gross generalizations, I know, but humour me. Recently, I read two books that relate to this topic. One was The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine and it talks about hormone-induced waves, surges and troughs that affect the way women think and function. Much of her analysis applies only to the West and indeed, America. For instance, she talks about teenage girls being “drama queens”, and while that may be true for urban girls, it does not apply to rural Indian girls who are anything but drama queens. They are quiet, non-assertive, and if anything, too obedient. But the book makes a point of emphasizing how hormones affect women without, I might add, telling us how to use these peaks and valleys to improve our lives.

The second is more of a self-help book by Tal Ben-Shahar, who teaches one of the most popular courses at Harvard University. His course uses exercises, journals and specific questions to elicit and quantify happiness. His book, Happier, isn’t as successful as his course, mostly because asking readers to “name five things that make you happy” is not going to make them do it or think about it but a classroom setting most likely will. Nevertheless, Happier talks about changing paradigms. It suggests using an internal standard to measure success rather than the usual societal measures of money, fame and power.

The Female Brain stresses how women are different and Happier suggests new paradigms. I am merely combining these two ideas and suggesting that we change the paradigm for girl students. Schools and colleges are best equipped to implement this for it involves revamping courses and curriculum. It involves asking questions like how we can train girls to multitask, which is not just an important skill but one that women are better at, according to studies. It encourages career and guidance counsellors to talk to girls about taking advantage of their natural talent for networking and forming communities. It suggests re-examining which competitive sports play to the physiques and talents of girls, unlike sports such as cricket and basketball which have been grandfathered in. It involves looking at the core competencies of girls and allowing those to flourish alongside traditional subjects.

As a feminist, I think women ought to compete on their own terms. As a mostly rational human being and an erstwhile Communist, I think equality (of any kind) is worth aspiring for but is largely a mythical construct. Gender parity is desirable for individuals and countries, but ultimately living your life as a woman involves not just competing with the males but also cherishing those qualities which make us—both women and men—gloriously different and therefore unique.

The police say the number of attacks is declining, but there are still hundreds of cases every year.

New Delhi has long been considered India’s crime capital. Over 1,000 rape and assault cases were reported there last year. Not surprisingly, many parents are encouraging their daughters to join self-defense classes.

“Every single day you read the paper – you pick up the paper and you’re reading about rape here, rape there, 18-year old raped by two taxi guys,” says Anuradha Patni, mother of a young girl herself. “Every day! So I’m not saying that it will happen, but I’m saying that I need to be sure that we’re prepared for it, that’s all.”

Combat studios offer women self-defence training for $50 a month. With classes three times a week, Ultimate Tactical and Combat studio offers Krav Maga, an Israeli martial art which specializes in hand-to-hand combat.

“It gives people confidence to deal with threats. They’re educating themselves, because the police or people or parents cannot be with the girl, or child or women all the time,” says Vicky Kapoor, the Chief instructor of Krav Maga India.

The 22-year-old fashion merchandiser Avantika Chandra has been training for over a month. Now she finds her reflexes have improved, along with her confidence. Knowing that she can take care of herself allows her to live life without having to constantly look over her shoulder.

“It does build a lot of confidence to deal with the most common attacks,” says Avantika Chandra, “They teach you a lot of simple stuff. You just work on your reflexes and that will help anyone.”

More and more women in Delhi are choosing to protect themselves with self-defense training. With many young women now working long shifts and finishing at all hours, such classes will go a long way in making them feel secure in their own city.

By: Your Life Team
December 29, 2005

Krav-Maga is a Hebrew word that means “contact fight” and refers to the self defence system adopted by the Israeli army and security forces. Developed by Imi Sdeor, it incorporates wrestling, boxing and gymnastics.

Change is inevitable

“The best aspect about Krav-Maga,” according to Vicky Kapoor, president of the International Krava-Maga Federation of India (IKMF), “is that it is not rigid, and changes and improves with time.” usually, people’s experiences are used to modify and improve the defence moves. It is with this in mind that IKMF, India plans to start special defence classes for Indian women. “Every woman has to be able to defend herself. It’s a violent and scary world,” believes Vicky.

The method

This Self Defence system is the only one that teaches you to watch out for other attackers. The first goal of Krav-Maga is to neutralise the weapon, next, neutralise the attacker and finally, attack the attacker.

Vulnerable areas

In the third stage, you are taught about the vulnerable zones of the body. The central line, down from the forehead, past the nose, chin and abdomen to the groin, is the most vulnerable, so, the attack is concentrated right here.

Human principle

It doesn’t expect ordinary people to behave like trained martial arts experts. Instead, it channels normal human reflexes to work to the advantage of individuals. Participants are not only taught how to use their own reflexes, but also made aware of how to use the opponent’s reflexes against him/her and turn everyday objects, like a tray, into a shield or weapon.

Helps you lose weight too

The hour-long session includes a cardio workout and helps tone muscles too.

Source: mid-day.com